Over the last year or so, I've had a few notable opportunities to reconnect with people that, were I asked, I would have defined off-hand as "close." That being in spite of the fact that the gap of time between the present and the last time we had any meaningful interaction would be measured in terms of years - and I don't mean just one or two.
In the midst of these encounters I've been contemplating an odd phenomenon that takes place within my own mind, and I suspect I'm not the only one. I may be the only one to waste time thinking about it, to say nothing of writing about it, but I've wasted time on far less meaningful things in my life, so I'm not going to worry about that.
For lack of a better term, I'll call this phenomenon "reality-lag." In a way, it's reminiscent (on a much smaller scale, of course) of a fact I was reading about today, that being that when an astronomer looks at a star that is, say, 2 million light years away, he is not actually looking at what is occurring out there at the moment he puts his eye to the telescope, but rather what happened out there 2 million years ago. He is so far removed from that star that it has taken the light his eyes are now registering 2 million years to get here to earth where he can see it. So basically, he's looking back in time, and his current observations of that star, in reality, can tell him precious little of the star's true, current state. In fact, were he to be able to somehow instantaneously transport himself, line of sight, to the location of that star as he sees it in his telescope, he would find that the star wasn't even there, as in the ensuing 2 million years, it would have traveled quite some distance away. Clear as mud? Good...
As for the people I have reconnected with, reality-lag plays out more like this. For instance: I have lunch or a drink with a friend - just like we have numerous times before - and part ways with a sincere "Talk to you soon!" or whatever. Then life happens, and the paths that we two walk upon that up until now would criss-cross at reasonably regular intervals, suddenly don't any more. We rarely know when "this time" is actually the "last time," do we? Sooner or later we might start getting that "Man, it's been a long time - I need to call that person" feeling (and I like to imagine they experience similar thoughts toward me, but I have to admit that's likely just ego talking), but days turn into weeks, and weeks into months and months into years, and all along the way life is happening to us both. Good things, bad things, hard things, joyful things, unexpected things - all the things that, added up across the duration of our lives, make us who we are. The experiences that shape our perceptions and inform our decisions - experiences that fundamentally change how we see the world and how we see ourselves.
Now fast forward 5 years (or more), and the divergent paths at long last converge again and I think, "Oh my gosh, look! It's my friend! Good lord I've missed them!" But here's the catch: at that instant, two versions of that person exist. There's the reality-lagged version in my mind who is essentially the same as the last time I saw them, and then there's the actual person in front of me who has, apart from me, moved through years worth of life-changing experiences, and in a very real way is not exactly the person I once knew. In essence, the star I'm seeing is not actually the star that exists. The real kicker is that the other person is in the same boat concerning me, whether they realize it or not.
All that having been said, most times the person, while not exactly the same, is also not entirely different, either. And if the core connection is still solid - well, that's where that fun of catching up with each other occurs. Then we usually resolve to stay in closer touch, and if we're lucky, we actually do. As an aside, I am suddenly reminded of that old factoid that says that due to the process of cells dying off and being replaced by new ones, our bodies replace every single cell over the course of about seven years. In that case, if you have an eight year gap before you run into an old acquaintance, in a real, physical sense they truly are not the person you once knew! But I digress...
There have been some in my life with which I find the core connection has dwindled, stretched and finally snapped, and any shared ground that we may have once been able to meet upon has long ago been lost to the past (often times I hear people like this described as "someone I used to know" - a phrase which used to strike me as quite odd, but which I understand in a different light now). Most times in these cases it's fairly obvious - or perhaps just comforting - to see that the separation was inevitable. Sometimes I have had to to resign myself to the realization that the relationship was probably tied as much or more to circumstance than it was to true affection or interest. At that point the wisest course of action is to simply release that relationship into the past. This doesn't mean, by the way, that these relationships can't be reconnected - just that, to me, it appears highly unlikely to happen. And yes, sometimes that's a sad realization.
So, I suppose the upshot to all of this is that I'm a bit more cautious these days when I find that my path has once again intersected with one I haven't encountered in a long time. They may not be who I remember. I may not be who they remember. In fact, I may not even be who I once thought I was to them. Still - when it happens to be one of those people that the encounter leads to that "catching up" thing? Man, sometimes that can just be the best. And I find I just don't want to let those people get that far away again...
